Androgyny

So basically attending one entire semester of gender class got me really interested in the concept of  androgyny  . If you take a gender studies class, one of the things you learn is how gender and sexuality are tied together. For many people (sadly) a gender studies class is the only place where this kind of conversation happens. In our daily lives, we accept that people are either gay, straight, or  bisexual , without any possible room for  experimentation. A gender studies class is for many the first time they get to think about how sexuality works.  

Working on this project  ''The modern woman"  I came across this assertion by several sociologists how gender boundaries are fast becoming blurred . Without stomping on anybody’s sexual history or preference, I wonder what would happen if we stopped thinking in terms of sexuality altogether. What if we actually transcended these rigid demarcations and entered  a social sphere where people’s sexuality or gender was fluid, where you could be dating someone of a different gender one day and then  decide that, you want to do this other thing now — without being ridiculed, guiltied, or made to identify? What if we removed all the labels and just explored human sensation?

Most people never think about their sexual behavior like this and accept the idea that they were born straight, born gay, born male, born female. But if you play with the idea  for a little bit and imagine what, in fact, it would be like to inhabit the world of “What Ifs”, what do you discover about yourself? What do you think would happen?

For me, it would just mean being attracted to a particular person , in a particular instance.It really is a thought experiment but the truth is whether we’re gay or straight, we’re attracted to specific physical traits in INDIVIDUALS wherever they appear, not genders themselves. Because certainly  in an age where  women can transform into men and men can transform into women ; we can sleep with everyone and take the best traits of the opposite sex and make it our own, then maybe gender really doesnt exist anymore (SATC).

rainy day

She always had liked the rain.Cause it always had reminded her of him.

LO moved sideways on the couch to accomodate the other two hungry obnoxious roommates she had. One sat on the rug cheweing away boritos .They all wanted to watch GG and one had to sit on the rug.That's how it was.They took turns.But somehow to LO it wasnt the couch which was worth fighting for or the boritos. It was something she had pretty much already lost. 

Halfway through the bitching and constant comments given off  to the ridiculously-awesome-wardrobe of the ENTIRE CAST , LO walked out.

She decided to walk to the one place in the whole of the city she could find peace at,the east coast.And just as she reached,it started to rain.And slowly the crowd started to merge with the surroundings.People had decided to go back home.But  LO stayed on.She had to.She could finally stop pretending and be alone.

She closed her eyes  for a  moment and it all came crashing onto her.
Him. The way he left everything to be with her,the candlelight,the way he would smile at her, the way he had called her a fucking  bitch and left.

Just like that.

She opened her eyes again . but this time she could feel her heart break. All over again . Like it had long back when she had finally realised he was gone.

He was gone.

And it was over.

She meant to turn back,to go back to her roommates and pretend to be happy.

But only she coudnt.

Standing there alone in the rain she realised that in the process of breaking his heart,she had broken hers too.

She stood in the rain for as long as she possibly could,it had been so long since she had really felt anything.

And then she cried.

She cried after a very long time.

If only she had looked at him once and told him she loved him.

If only she had realised that he did.

But he was gone.

And it was over.

All i ever wanted.

Despite being a fun loving-clumsy-starryeyed-flamboyant person i think i've always been a loner; longing poignantly to know how and where im going.
Somehow  I have always been scared of falling in love.I think I am just scared of getting hurt,cause I always have a doubt in my head.Something that makes me want to chicken-out out of every situation; I think I might fall in love with.Its hard to come out of it and it will always be hard,but I think all I am searching for in this testeterone filled world ,is someone  who will love me for what I am and I wouldnt have a choice but to fall for them.And when it happens,it'll happen.

That sound biggie?
Not much.I think I was never looking for a princecharming,I was just looking for a guy who could make me smile when I was dieng.And that might sound biggie.

but for now THATS ALL I WANT:)